Friday, January 23, 2009

I have not been updating very often recently. Can say coz i am lazy may be. Hai....dear r quite emotional nowadays (all becoz of me), sometimes i really dun know how to console him. I felt bad n guilty. Is me that started all the problems, until now when i think things should had been resolve but once a while the problem does came back. Is like due to the incident, even if i wan to go out or stay out late, i will have to reconsider again. Sometimes going out too often or too late, dear will tends to get emot again which sometimes i felt i am sandwich in between. N he always dont like me to slp late, where by my average slping hour is like 2am. But my explanation was i work late n end late. By the time i reach home i hardly had time, n i can woke up late like abt 9.30am. So to me slping at 2am everyday is a norm for me le...i know his concern, but...sorry. I really hope everything will be back to normal, which to me it has been but not for dear yet. I am to blame, but i seriously hope to see back the cheerful dear back. It has been MIA since he enter army. May be i am just not good enough, which indeed i am. Lousy girlfriend hai....cant even support him n yet still giving him all the shit problems. Still have to keep worrying abt me.

Anyway lost motivation to work recently again. I promise if after this yr, the economy recover n i manage to get my degree. High chance i might leave my current job. Is not that i dislike, but is not a career path for me. Although i haven really tot of wat to do for long term yet, but still will be in financial n banking sector. If i really quit one day....i will miss all my friends n colleague that i actually met. Really, until now this is really the best place i ever work. N is also during this period lots of things changes n lots of ups n downs.

My friends n dear said i change quite a lot from last like till now. To me the way they sound seems bad...did i really change? May be what i really change was that, nowadays i know what i want. I might not be that simple n pure innocent small little gal anymore. I admit i do change...but am i really that bad???