Sunday, September 28, 2008

I hate myself...what had i done again...i am making myself upset again shit...i hate it...i mess it up again...chen xueshi chen xueshi CHEER UP CHEER UP...

What is happening to me...even after going out and when i am back alone...i still felt upset. What is the point of being kind? Be kind n understanding for what? Be a gd person so what? Y am i thinking so much? Just not coming down to look for me...y i had to feel so upset. OMG...wake up wake up!!!!

I just hate myself y i have to love him so much. This is how he treat me....i feel like resting for a while, a while...y am i asking and demanding again...i dun really blame him, but just disappointed (And shit radio 933 is playing all the sad song while i blogging making it worse). Can pay more attention to me? Can care for me more? Can have some action? I dun feel love now...y as a bf u can even be lazy to send me home but not my friends? Isiz it... the most basic duty as a bf ba...?Y my friends seem able to do more(ok...i know is a very unfair statement). Hai...very sad rite...just becoz is bf, bf have to do more. Becoz if friends, totally wont have such problem le...i guess that is the diff between bf and friends ba...

In his shoes, weekend is for him to take a rest. Dun feel like going anywhere, just feel like staying at home. Blame me pls....i try to understand, but since i can get angry over this matter mean even tot i understand but i cant accept it totally. I am bluffing myself actually. Is time i need to do some reflection...i need time....may be after a nitez i will be better (which usually are).

I need to learn putting myself first in front b4 him, which i am still trying. Is I I I I that matters n more impt...not him. Xueshi love yourself more....whatever u feel like doing just go ahead, follow yr heart. Yr heart will bring u....dun think what is rite or wrong....there is no such things as rite or wrong anymore. Even ppl might think is wrong but who cares, is my own life. I do whatever i feel rite...enough for comprising...enough for being a kind, understanding, reasonable gf...i dun c the point anymore. WHAT FOR? What is the point of being a kind gf.

Ppl i am very emot here tonight....whatever i say tonight, i didt go through any deep thnking. It might sound not me...but just let me vent out my anger...disappointment.

Posted by snowpoem at 11:47 PM